If only you knew

it hurts so badly,
you leave me alone
without you
I smile
I am fine
swallowing the hurt
its all in my mind
my heart yearns
my mind races
why is it so
why do I feel this angst
this hurt
this confusion
is it me
am i lost
what more do I need
I have it all
but do I
when will this sadness go
when will I feel okay
when will I laugh again
perhaps it is me
the sadness is back
I am lost
I am stuck
I try to breathe
I try to see the light inside
I ache
back here again
back to the sadness
back to the anger
back to the emptiness
if only you knew....

Lost and Found

Where are we now?

We were lost and found
and lost again

What is the purpose
of this life
this journey
Where does it end

Do we ever reach
the end
is there an end?

Why is this journey
filled with such pain
such agony

Questions arise out of
nowhere
Answers are lost
or are they found
or are they pointless

I strive to believe
that one day i will find
peace
One day the pain will dissapear
One day I will be deep within my bliss
The bliss that eludes me
or does it?

Is it already here
Perhaps I do not see it
My mind is clouded
My mind is black
My mind is dark with wants and desires
My mind is dark with fear and pain

Where does this lead to?
When does this end?
How will I wake up tomorrow
and live this life again?

Crushed

Crushed
Again
All hopes lost
All faith gone
Is there point in hope?
The sun shines
Hope comes
Flowers bloom
Drops of rain
Hang on,
Keep trying
Is there point in hope?

Crushed,
Lost, all hope lost
Leave me now hope
Never come back
For without hope
Reality is borne
Truth is faced
Self trust is restored
Today is all there is
Tomorrows hope is an illusion
Leave it all behind

If I do not hope
I cannot be crushed
If I do not have faith
I cannot be disappointed
If I do not trust
Then I cannot be mislead

I remember

I remember your love
I remember your smile
I remember your passion
I remember your ecstacy

Wrapped around my heart
Entrenched in my soul

You inspired my love
You inspired my smile
You inspired my passion
You inspired my ecstacy

Wrapped around my heart
Entrenched in my soul

I am grateful for the pain
I am grateful for the hurt
I am grateful for the loss
I am grateful for the despair

Wrapped around my heart
Entrencehd in my soul

For it means that I loved
And it means that I shared

For it means for one moment
I connected

I sought comfort
And found it

I sought love
And found it

In your arms
In your eyes
In your touch

I touched heaven
I touched the light
And it was awesome …

Oh sad heart ...

Oh sad heart,
What is that you need
You weigh me down
You strangle me
My joy
My bliss
You steal from me

Oh sad, heart
What is that you seek
Do you need to see me fall
Do you need to see me bleed

Crying
Aching
I cannot breathe
Consumed by your sadness
Echoing in my mind
Echoing in my heart

Speak to me dear heart
Tell me what you need to heal
Is it love
Is it warmth
A long kiss
A strong embrace

What is it that you seek

Frustration boils within me
As I cannot satisfy your moans
I cannot make you whole
I cannot make you heal

What is that you seek

Can you no longer bleed
Can you no longer need
Can you no longer feed

Take me if you will
Allow me to be

Choose the blackness of night
Choose the warm glow of the light
Choose …

I surrender

From birth, it seems
Greatness flowed from within me
Intelligence
Ambition
Fiery intent

Achievement came to me
Intense focus
Intense learning
Intense pleasure

After all this
I am nothing
I am empty
years wasted?

Aching from within

I fell down
I drowned
I cried
I screamed
I fell down gain

And now, I am a child again
lost
Searching for my mothers bossom

I know nothing

I surrender …

Longing

I still long for you
I still long to talk to you
I still long to hold you

I still long to see your smile
I still long to hear your laugh
I still long to have you by my side

I still long to hear your troubles
I still long to tell you mine

I still long to hold your hand
I still long to caress your skin

I still long to lie with you
I still long to dance with you

I still long to play with you
I still long to dream with you

After all this time
I still long for you